05 June 2011

Amy: Enough Time, or Time Enough?

Amy's mum says at the funeral,

"I thought I was going to have more time. Time to see Amy grow up and become the young woman she was developing into. Time to enjoy our relationship changing as she matured and unfurled as an adult. Time, I’m sure, to stress out about late nights and parties and being irresponsible and living dangerously. Time to see her study at University and branch out on her own. Time for her strength and grace, her love and determination, to make a mark on the world.

Even when we were told that we might not have as much time as we hoped, I still thought there would be more. Enough for adventures, visits to family and places further away. Time for her to become an IPad queen.

There was never going to be the time I wanted, or thought I needed. But then there was never going to be a time when I was ready to have her go.

What there was, was enough time for the important things, for family and friends, for an astonishing ‘Party Central’ to happen right in Intensive Care at hospital, for fun and tears and quiet times.

There was time for Amy to ask questions and get real, heartfelt answers. There was time for her dog Riley to come and visit, and time for her fabulous wish secret that her sister Becca has told you about. There was never going to be enough time, but in the end, there has been time enough.

As a mum, I’ve thought my main role was to get my kids all grown up, so in a way, with Amy, I feel I’ve failed. But I can’t see any way that Amy has failed, or should have been any better, so I’m thinking of riding on her coattails and claiming a success.

I’ve learnt, over the last few days since Amy died, that she’s had enough time to make her mark in the world already, to impact on people’s lives and hopefully to help them change in some small way, for the better. It seems she didn’t have to grow all the way up for that. But there will never, never have been enough time, for me."

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