Do you have Lupus, Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, or any one of numerous other conditions that make the everyday things of life difficult?
Christine Miserandino who lives with Lupus writes "The Spoon Theory", her personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or disability.
Christine developed this analogy after a sincere request from a friend while they sat in a diner. It's difficult to help someone see your life from your perspective, to understand your fears or challenges as you do. Check out the analogy in it's entirety on But You Don't Look Sick.com. This is just a taste, to entice you to read the whole story . . . .
"Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
. . .
I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of “spoons”. But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn’t even started yet. I’ve wanted more “spoons” for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus. (or arthritis, chronic fatigue, or any number of illnesses or conditions)
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said ” No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can’t take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too.” I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. . . . You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
. . .
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. . . . I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count “spoons”."
Download the entire story as a pdf or go to But You Don't Look Sick.com to read the article and the associated comments.
Use this theory to explain your own limitations or to help someone else come to terms with the fact that they can no longer do everything and must choose well, based on the spoons they have available.
Thanks Christine Miserandino, for giving us an excellent illustration!
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