Joseph Shopping for Jesus

Talk about blasphemy & controversy! Last year at about this same time I posted a humourous, though probably offensive to some, spoof on Joseph Christmas shopping for Jesus. The following is an excerpt, but click the link for the full version.

Don't go there if you're going to be offended and

don't be offended if you go there! I warned you!

Joseph to Mary on his iPhone?

"So I'm here now and, let me tell you, the whole concept of hell we've been working with up 'til now - it's all changed babe. I am standing in the middle of it and in hell, I know now, they play Feliz Navidad over and over again.

And there are angry people everywhere and everyone is stressed out and this is not doing my blood pressure any good. And, just to top things off on this most joyous day of days in the season, I have totally forgotten to bring the Lego list with me. I think I left it on the kitchen bench - can you go and have a look for me?

"Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. And guess what, they're not playing Feliz Navidad anymore - hallelujah! Instead we're being treated to Do They Know It's Christmas? Brilliant, when you consider Christmas is the only sodding reason we're all here, so I think we're pretty bloody well aware what time of the year it is, thank you very much! And if 'they' aren't, then they're the lucky ones.

"No, I am approaching this with an open mind and, yes, I did agree to do the boy's shopping this year - even though, as God knows all too well, he's not strictly 'my' boy, is he? No, I'm not harping on about the stepfather-of-the-Son-of-God thing again, I'm just saying, that's all. Can we stick to the Lego wish list issue, please?"

". . . and now they're playing I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus so just really don't tell me, right now, that you knew Santa Claus as well, because I can't be dealing with that stuff right now!

"Look, yes, I'm well aware that I'm buying for both Christmas and his birthday - funny how that turned out - but Christmas isn't all about our son! Okay, yes, on one level it is, but that's not what I'm talking about!"

Originally from James Griffin's, Seeking gifts, I traverse afar, New Zealand Herald, 15 December