My friend Mary Lou wrote this on Caring Bridge as she watched her husband Rick fight a battle he couldn't win. I think she expressed some nearly inexpressible emotions well.
Friday, August 7, 2009 12:50 PM, EDT
I wish I could tell you what my heart feels. The biggest problem is that it changes before I can finish a sentence.
I saddened as I watch my strong, handsome, loving husbanddwindle away. He blue eyes rarely look blue, his smile comes even less. But he struggles to be a part of the gathering that is always present in our home. He hears the voices and sees the many faces that come to share love with him and I know he is frustrated because he can't tell them what he want's to. I know he can feel the love that is ever present around us. Our Hospice nurses are so kind and loving and are working so hard to help him be comfortable.
My heart is happy when I know he has recognized one of the kids and he can acknowledge his love for them. I love that Aubree comes to sit on Memaw's lap every time I sit down. I love that the older grandbabies believe that Papaw will be with Jesus and that he'll be okay then.
I am in awe as I see the out pouring off love from sooooo many people. The calls, the emails, the visits, the prayers, the food, the gifts of everything practical, the "baglady" loves practical! I wish I could tell you all what we needed, everyone says that would help them. How could we need anything else? Your love is straight from the Father and complete!
I am really numb too. I'm not sure how to process all of this, this is hard for a "fixer". I know now how my Dad felt when Mom was so sick.
I am at peace I think, I'm just waiting on the Father for the next thing. I still believe that "they that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up on eagles wings, they will run and not be weary, they will run an not faint." I refuse to doubt that because I have risen with the eagles and lived life on the "wings". God was faithful then. He will continue to be faithful now. He never changes!
Comments