While many life philosophy or strategy books fill the shelves of bookshops, libraries and homes, discernment is necessary in gleaning from each one what might be implemented beneficially in our own context.
That was gobbily gook for something my grandpa taught me when eating fish we'd caught ourselves. "Be sure and spit out the bones or they'll choke you." We rarely had to spit any bones out as grandpa was expert at filleting fish, but his wisdom still applies all these years later.
Not all that is published is worth swallowing.
Not all that is thrown into these self-help formulas add up.
Use your head for more than a hat rack.
Sift carefully. Throw away the chaff, or the larvae, whichever applies.
Here's a review of
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Be Impeccable With Your Word
This means avoiding gossip, lies, empty promises and other ways we cause problems with our words. Say only what you mean, and realize that you can cause damage if you're not careful with what you say.This is a great recommendation. Many people don't realize the power of their words and see the harm that can be caused with speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly or aggressively. Most of us are aware that screaming at someone may be upsetting to them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip behind their backs, can hurt others more than we realize, and in hurting them, we hurt ourselves. This is an important, but difficult one to follow entirely. It's a great goal to aspire to, though, and a good direction to work toward.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
This 'agreement' deals with understanding how other people's behaviors are a reflection of them only. When someone gives us feedback about us, it's important to remember that no opinions are truly objective; we all have our biases, 'filters' through which we view the world, and the like. Because of this, we shouldn't take anyone else's view of us or our actions as entirely accurate; when someone says something about us (or anything else), they're really saying something about themselves and how they view the world.This is good advice for making us feel better, but take it with a grain of salt. While everyone has their biases and there is no such thing as true objectivity, by never taking anything personally, people can really limit their ability to see their own negative patterns and biased thinking, and work on developing more healthy patterns and clear-sighted thinking. Don’t give up on the work of distinguishing responsibility, or you end up creating more stress in the long run.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Much stress is created when people assume they know what other people are thinking without checking with them. Understanding that other people might have different motivations for their actions, even drastically varying world views, and remembering to really try to understand others and discuss these motivations before jumping to conclusions about their behavior, can go a long way toward preventing interpersonal conflict.However, taking this advice to an extreme may cause people to ignore their intuition about people, or common sense about someone's behavior that's damaging. It can also open people up to manipulation if they train themselves to believe someone's explanation of negative behavior rather than judging the behavior on its own. (For example, not 'assuming' they're being cheated on if their spouse is exhibiting erratic behavior and the classic signs of infidelity, but vehemently denies wrongdoing.) This one is a good suggestion, but should be tempered by inner wisdom and common sense.
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